Decide What You Want, Then Follow Through
Many brides have an image
of their dream wedding. Once they start actually planning the wedding, some of these
these dreams fall away. Sometimes feasibility, cost or the fear of hurting someone's
feelings cause a bride to settle for something less than what she envisioned.
There are also times when a bride will agree to something because it is easier
than sticking up for what she really wants. Brides should be encouraged to stand
up for what they want when planning their wedding day.
While planning her wedding,
Maria gave up on the idea of having monogrammed napkins because it was too hard
to find a printer that could do the job in under two weeks. Sarah decided to go
with roses instead of rare lillies after her florist said the lillies were harder
to get during her wedding month. Susan resigned herself to have a smaller guest
list because she wanted to serve a sit-down dinner instead of a buffet.
When cost is a limitation,
there isn't a lot you can do to force the issue-- short of using credit. But for
matters that are not a function of cost, brides can direct things more than they
think. Brides and grooms must choose the issues that are most important to them,
then defend their wishes. "It is your wedding day. Who has more at stake
than you?" asks Bay Area wedding coordinator Melissa Li. Li advises brides and
grooms to stick up for their wishes, despite pressure sometimes put on them by others. She
says that when it is all over, newlyweds are glad they got what they wanted. Li
also advises couples to go with the flow when they don't have strong feelings
one way or the other.
As long as you are reasonable,
there is no reason you should have to surrender to a relative's or clergyman's
wishes if it is something you are not comfortable with. James and Liz were told
by their priest that they couldn't light a unity candle during their ceremony
because their ceremony was already too long. It was important to them
and they made sure the priest knew, and he consented. Liz later related, "I'm
glad that James spoke up. If he hadn't said something, I don't think I would have
either-- even though it was something we both talked about and wanted."
IDEAS FOR GETTING WHAT
YOU WANT
- Prioritize the things you
are firm on, the things you are flexible on, and the things you don't care about.
This will make it easier to be firm should confusion arise.
- Be in agreement with each
other. It will unify you as a couple and avoid any potential embarassment due
to lack of communication.
- Communicate your desires
to the people that matter. Nobody will know what you want unless you speak up.
- Be diplomatic. Everyone
has their own ideas about your wedding, and they will be sure to tell you what
you should do. You can be firm without being hurtful. Thank people for their suggestions.
"Thank you. It means so much to us that you want our wedding to be perfect!"
